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Writing by MatieuCanadaWilliams

Literature by WantsToLoseHerMask


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Submitted on
January 26
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Sta.sh Writer
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When I shower, I always wring out my hair afterwards

Because thats what I was taught to do

So that my pillow wouldn't get cold and damp

But now 

It's so that my head won't weigh down

So that I can stand straight

Like

I'm 

Supposed to

And I need more sleeping pills to keep me dreaming

Keep the lights down low to keep from screaming

But my voice is gone and I can't cry today

And when the sun burns me alive 

They think that I'm okay

So,

Just turn off the bathroom lights

And try to find her in the dark

Find her in the mirror

But all I can feel is her still heartbeat worlds and worlds away

I know that she's gone

And in the dark 

My own shadow flees from me

Because I'm not worth following

And all thats left is to bathe

And hope that maybe

I'll mistake the tears for water drops

Just scrub my skin raw and rip the vanity out of my flesh

Until I can bleed sanity from every pore

And feel the embrace of the therapeutic spray

I turn the hot water up until I can't hear my own sobs

Mistaking them for the slosh of water against poisoned skin

My skin

And it burns me

It burns like the acid that I drank into my body when I binged with envy

Perspiring it like it was the work of my soul

Shrieking until there was no sloth left in my firewood bones

I would burn this witch within my mortal hide until she screeched with all her devilish pleas

Twisting my own jaw to mediate with the lord

I would exorcise all that I was

Melt it away like candle wax

Down to the wick would I burn her

Burn me

Burn away these sins and thoughts

These needs and wants

These actions and words

I would commit arson of myself and torch until I was a pure dusting of saintly cinders

I screamed into the boiling rain

Slamming my hands against the teasingly cold tile wall

Curling my fingers until I could find a way to endure my punishment

For being so vain

Vanity

It was my definition

My every breath stunk of cheap perfume and sweat

My every thought fogged with need

With hunger

I was to be treasured

Adored

Cherished

I was a child born to be loved

From a maelstrom womb was I conceived 

To a sinner's body was I damned

Leviathan cackles through the water pipes

Asmodeous rips at my breast

Astaroth drunkens my strength

But I shall prevail

I turn the hot water knob until I can't anymore

Until I can't feel anything anymore

Until they can't hurt me anymore

I shriek like all of a frothing raving hell hound

My knees shake and I bawl 

Blisters hump my lips and shoulders and back

I pound the tile wall until my fists are bruised darker than the lightless bathroom

Filled only with my wailing of repentance

I fall to my knees and scream for mercy

Scream for life and love and light

I am a ball of flame to be saved or forsaken by the lord

Vain

Oh so vain

It drips in the very sweat of my brow

It taints the salt of my tears

Vanity

Vanity

Vanity

I reach up and turn off the shower

Still screaming

Still screaming

I could feel nothing but my own frantic heartbeat

And my brain as it tried to explain to me the definition of a first degree burn

I stepped out of the shower

And did not wring out my hair tonight
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpaintyourreality18:
PaintYourReality18 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
This is amazing! I'm in love with it. 
Reply
:iconmister7000:
mister7000 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer

l really lie your stuff, so I feel like I should comment more...um...


hooray for not mutilating yourself?  :confuzzled: 

Reply
:iconmister7000:
mister7000 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
like, not lie. oops.
Reply
:iconpassionflowergirl:
PassionFlowerGirl Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Great job on this!
Reply
:iconaircatskylion:
AircatSkylion Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is both creepy and cool at the same time 
Reply
:iconangerissues1234:
AngerIssues1234 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This was such an intense piece- I really loved it, especially this line:

"It burns like the acid that I drank into my body when I binged with envy"

Great job! :)
Reply
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